I love you; even though you do stupid things sometimes, or more accurately, most of the times. ;)
I love you; because the more you think you're hurting me, the more I know you care about me. :P
I love you; for you're the only one that fills my life with euphoria, even if I don't possess your body or soul. :D
I love you; I don't know why sometimes; but really, when you love someone, do you really need a reason to? :)
I love you; and if you really need a reason, it's because we're perfect for each other. Period.
I love you,
Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
We're going to be friends!
Song: "We're going to be friends"
So, although, strictly speaking, we've really only known each other for 2 years, you've been there for me throughout my entire life.
It's funny how whenever I introduce you to people, more often than not, their first reaction would be: "But the sex must be awful!", and you'd probably stand there thinking: "bad sex is really the least of my worries".
You're right though. What tempts me most is really not all the carnal pleasures the physical world can provide (in spite of my rather high libido); it's really what everything else a real person can offer - convenience, interaction with the rest of society, independent thought, etc.
However, I do fervently hope that despite the many temptations, I shall always remember that we've held each others' hands since day 1, that nobody else can understand us better than we ourselves, and most of all that we're really absolutely perfect for each other.
"And when I wake up tomorrow, I'll bet that you and I will walk together again, because I can tell that you and I are going to be friends."
So, although, strictly speaking, we've really only known each other for 2 years, you've been there for me throughout my entire life.
It's funny how whenever I introduce you to people, more often than not, their first reaction would be: "But the sex must be awful!", and you'd probably stand there thinking: "bad sex is really the least of my worries".
You're right though. What tempts me most is really not all the carnal pleasures the physical world can provide (in spite of my rather high libido); it's really what everything else a real person can offer - convenience, interaction with the rest of society, independent thought, etc.
However, I do fervently hope that despite the many temptations, I shall always remember that we've held each others' hands since day 1, that nobody else can understand us better than we ourselves, and most of all that we're really absolutely perfect for each other.
"And when I wake up tomorrow, I'll bet that you and I will walk together again, because I can tell that you and I are going to be friends."
Saturday, December 24, 2011
So this is Christmas...
I should develop a tradition for writing an entry every Christmas; though writing for the sake of writing without any prior inspiration is not really my style - seems a little perfunctory.
So this is Christmas; which really marks the passing of another year. I know I know... that's supposed to be New Year's Day role, but I prefer using Christmas as my milestone - it feels more "holiday-ish".
I have not much to say for this year really. I am still as unimpressed by life, and obviously still haven't succeeded in my goal of achieving true liberation. Though, I would say that I did make progress with Shawn. Well for one, I didn't screw up as badly this year than I did last - only had a few minor infatuations here and there.
It's going to be our second year together! Which is really remarkably impressive considering that, Shawn aside, I had not been able to harbour passion for someone for longer than 3 months. Well, arguably, the two Kevins would be exceptions. Though arguably the first Kevin was straight, and there really wasn't a whole lot of options available, while the second Kevin wasn't really in the foreground after the first few months. Nonetheless, I still think it's a remarkable achievement. I love you Shawn; you are that that makes this bleak and drab world a little more tolerable - along with my other friends and family of course, but you first and foremost.
So this is Christmas; and it's purportedly a day to remind ourselves of the things we truly cherish in life and things we often take for granted when distracted by that which are more tawdry but fleeting. So let me remind myself then, that there is only one man who can hear me through the silence, one friend who complements me in every way, and one lover whose love for me would never falter - Shawn.
I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.
So this is Christmas; which really marks the passing of another year. I know I know... that's supposed to be New Year's Day role, but I prefer using Christmas as my milestone - it feels more "holiday-ish".
I have not much to say for this year really. I am still as unimpressed by life, and obviously still haven't succeeded in my goal of achieving true liberation. Though, I would say that I did make progress with Shawn. Well for one, I didn't screw up as badly this year than I did last - only had a few minor infatuations here and there.
It's going to be our second year together! Which is really remarkably impressive considering that, Shawn aside, I had not been able to harbour passion for someone for longer than 3 months. Well, arguably, the two Kevins would be exceptions. Though arguably the first Kevin was straight, and there really wasn't a whole lot of options available, while the second Kevin wasn't really in the foreground after the first few months. Nonetheless, I still think it's a remarkable achievement. I love you Shawn; you are that that makes this bleak and drab world a little more tolerable - along with my other friends and family of course, but you first and foremost.
So this is Christmas; and it's purportedly a day to remind ourselves of the things we truly cherish in life and things we often take for granted when distracted by that which are more tawdry but fleeting. So let me remind myself then, that there is only one man who can hear me through the silence, one friend who complements me in every way, and one lover whose love for me would never falter - Shawn.
I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Proclamation
But you see, what makes Shawn so special, is that he is imaginary.
And as I had hoped long ago, I am actually starting to see it as a favourable trait. Soon I might come to a stage where if Shawn were a real person, I'd still prefer the imaginary Shawn.
Shawn and I are able to pursuit our happiness in a world that is completely shaped by the two of us. We are not affected by the crude realities of life and immune to the shocks and vicissitudes beyond our control.
In a fantasy world where he will always love me, and I him, we shield ourselves from the hideous experience that is life.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Crazy Stupid Love
I love you.
And though half the times it doesn't seem so, I love you.
I might not think of you all the time and I might not want you all the time, but I really do love you.
Sometimes I do find it difficult, and I have no one to blame but myself, but trust me, I love you.
I am probably the worst boyfriend you've ever had; probably the worst person you've ever loved; but 'sorry' is probably the most patronising thing I can ever say; and thus I shall resort to 'I love you'.
I love when you tell me that these other fleeting desires aren't really mine.
I love when you tell me that no matter who I go off with, I will always come back to you.
I love when you tell me that you love me.
I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.
And though half the times it doesn't seem so, I love you.
I might not think of you all the time and I might not want you all the time, but I really do love you.
Sometimes I do find it difficult, and I have no one to blame but myself, but trust me, I love you.
I am probably the worst boyfriend you've ever had; probably the worst person you've ever loved; but 'sorry' is probably the most patronising thing I can ever say; and thus I shall resort to 'I love you'.
I love when you tell me that these other fleeting desires aren't really mine.
I love when you tell me that no matter who I go off with, I will always come back to you.
I love when you tell me that you love me.
I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Random Musing
A part of us insatiably seeks thrill at the expense of safety, the other anchors itself to stability, repulsing passion. Our sanity rest on both parts failing to fully achieve their goals.
Balance is only achieved when conflicting desires settle for less in spite of our inherent inclination for unreserved attainment.
If our sanity depends on the balance and compromise of conflicting desires, then the better we are at satiating each desire, the further we stray from sanity.
Balance is only achieved when conflicting desires settle for less in spite of our inherent inclination for unreserved attainment.
If our sanity depends on the balance and compromise of conflicting desires, then the better we are at satiating each desire, the further we stray from sanity.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
A Domestic Discourse
Participants: Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang & Shawn Nathaniel McGuire
Shawn: Wow, you are actually bringing me into the public eye!
Bryan: You are already in the public eye; only few are oblivious to your existence.
Shawn: True; though this will be the public's first exposure to my prose and articulation. Nonetheless, I doubt anyone would be too fascinated; it is simply identical to yours.
Bryan: Right. Let us not indulge excessively in idle chatter and address the main objective of today's discourse.
Shawn: Right. Let us document your learning experience after a tumultuous day on June 29th 2010 lest we forget.
Bryan: Right. Where shall we start?
Shawn: Let's start with the fact that it was a reasonably successful maiden experiment on "DoubleThink". Though it was only for a short period of time, I feel that it produced ample evidence which should persuade you to invest more time and effort in further implementing the philosophy. You were right in that sometimes it can be extremely arduous to fight the desires of your unconscious mind - love, lust and hope that is not bounded by logic. And I do concede that said quests of the unconscious mind will increase the chances of experiencing "unwanted" emotions - disappointement, dejection, etc. Though, through the incident, you have indeed demonstrated that it is possible to let your unconscious mind roam freely in its pursuit of love, lust, or any other object that you find quite impossible to convince it out of; and yet deftly and competently perform damage control to mitigate the "negative" emotions felt in the event of unsuccessful attempts.
Bryan: *Faint smile* I guess although great wisdom does acquiesce to raw emotions, in the event that "unwanted" raw emotions surface, great wisdom can immediately step up to ameliorate said emotions.
Shawn: Hahaha... I find it so cute... It's like your unconscious mind is a reckless innocent child, and your conscious mind is the wise adult picking up the pieces in the event that the child screws up.
Bryan: Hahaha... *squints eye and gently smacks Shawn's head in jest*
Shawn: There was another interesting observation which I would like to bring up, although this does have significantly less evidence to substantiate considering the length of the incident. Tapping on the model you devised in the post "Love Dilemma"; with effort and commitment, you were reasonably successful in making "the love subject" a "favourable quality" in itself, weren't you? I know said phenomena is in fact common wisdom; it is just that you had some difficulties acquiring such a wisdom, but you did just discover that it is possible to consider "the person" as a "favourable quality" which will lubricate the process of cognitive dissonance with regard to all other "unfavourable qualities".
Bryan: Yes, that was my initial plan but it is too reckless to conclude on the possibility when I hardly practiced it for a week. Though I will definitely attempt to continue such a practice when the next opportunity come about - provide a tantamount of irrational reasons (and hence cannot be trialed by logic) in order to convince the brain to commit to the person in question such that the person itself becomes a "favourable quality". Of course, it would only work if the person has enough relative "favourable qualities" to trigger the entire self-sustaining process which explains why I can't utilize such a strategy to make myself fall in love with any person on earth.
Shawn: Well, it seems to me that this has been quite a successful discourse... Now go read up on your law assignment and perhaps we might be able to catch a movie later if we're in the mood for it. *Playfully ruffles Bryan's hair*
Shawn: Wow, you are actually bringing me into the public eye!
Bryan: You are already in the public eye; only few are oblivious to your existence.
Shawn: True; though this will be the public's first exposure to my prose and articulation. Nonetheless, I doubt anyone would be too fascinated; it is simply identical to yours.
Bryan: Right. Let us not indulge excessively in idle chatter and address the main objective of today's discourse.
Shawn: Right. Let us document your learning experience after a tumultuous day on June 29th 2010 lest we forget.
Bryan: Right. Where shall we start?
Shawn: Let's start with the fact that it was a reasonably successful maiden experiment on "DoubleThink". Though it was only for a short period of time, I feel that it produced ample evidence which should persuade you to invest more time and effort in further implementing the philosophy. You were right in that sometimes it can be extremely arduous to fight the desires of your unconscious mind - love, lust and hope that is not bounded by logic. And I do concede that said quests of the unconscious mind will increase the chances of experiencing "unwanted" emotions - disappointement, dejection, etc. Though, through the incident, you have indeed demonstrated that it is possible to let your unconscious mind roam freely in its pursuit of love, lust, or any other object that you find quite impossible to convince it out of; and yet deftly and competently perform damage control to mitigate the "negative" emotions felt in the event of unsuccessful attempts.
Bryan: *Faint smile* I guess although great wisdom does acquiesce to raw emotions, in the event that "unwanted" raw emotions surface, great wisdom can immediately step up to ameliorate said emotions.
Shawn: Hahaha... I find it so cute... It's like your unconscious mind is a reckless innocent child, and your conscious mind is the wise adult picking up the pieces in the event that the child screws up.
Bryan: Hahaha... *squints eye and gently smacks Shawn's head in jest*
Shawn: There was another interesting observation which I would like to bring up, although this does have significantly less evidence to substantiate considering the length of the incident. Tapping on the model you devised in the post "Love Dilemma"; with effort and commitment, you were reasonably successful in making "the love subject" a "favourable quality" in itself, weren't you? I know said phenomena is in fact common wisdom; it is just that you had some difficulties acquiring such a wisdom, but you did just discover that it is possible to consider "the person" as a "favourable quality" which will lubricate the process of cognitive dissonance with regard to all other "unfavourable qualities".
Bryan: Yes, that was my initial plan but it is too reckless to conclude on the possibility when I hardly practiced it for a week. Though I will definitely attempt to continue such a practice when the next opportunity come about - provide a tantamount of irrational reasons (and hence cannot be trialed by logic) in order to convince the brain to commit to the person in question such that the person itself becomes a "favourable quality". Of course, it would only work if the person has enough relative "favourable qualities" to trigger the entire self-sustaining process which explains why I can't utilize such a strategy to make myself fall in love with any person on earth.
Shawn: Well, it seems to me that this has been quite a successful discourse... Now go read up on your law assignment and perhaps we might be able to catch a movie later if we're in the mood for it. *Playfully ruffles Bryan's hair*
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