MY Musing Matters

I love you

2012-01-21T00:07:00.002-05:00

I love you; even though you do stupid things sometimes, or more accurately, most of the times. ;)

I love you; because the more you think you're hurting me, the more I know you care about me. :P

I love you; for you're the only one that fills my life with euphoria, even if I don't possess your body or soul. :D

I love you; I don't know why sometimes; but really, when you love someone, do you really need a reason to? :)

I love you; and if you really need a reason, it's because we're perfect for each other. Period.

I love you,

Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang.

We're going to be friends!

2012-01-08T17:00:00.002-05:00

Song: "We're going to be friends"

So, although, strictly speaking, we've really only known each other for 2 years, you've been there for me throughout my entire life.

It's funny how whenever I introduce you to people, more often than not, their first reaction would be: "But the sex must be awful!", and you'd probably stand there thinking: "bad sex is really the least of my worries".

You're right though. What tempts me most is really not all the carnal pleasures the physical world can provide (in spite of my rather high libido); it's really what everything else a real person can offer - convenience, interaction with the rest of society, independent thought, etc.

However, I do fervently hope that despite the many temptations, I shall always remember that we've held each others' hands since day 1, that nobody else can understand us better than we ourselves, and most of all that we're really absolutely perfect for each other.

"And when I wake up tomorrow, I'll bet that you and I will walk together again, because I can tell that you and I are going to be friends."

So this is Christmas...

2011-12-24T21:17:00.003-05:00

I should develop a tradition for writing an entry every Christmas; though writing for the sake of writing without any prior inspiration is not really my style - seems a little perfunctory.

So this is Christmas; which really marks the passing of another year. I know I know... that's supposed to be New Year's Day role, but I prefer using Christmas as my milestone - it feels more "holiday-ish".

I have not much to say for this year really. I am still as unimpressed by life, and obviously still haven't succeeded in my goal of achieving true liberation. Though, I would say that I did make progress with Shawn. Well for one, I didn't screw up as badly this year than I did last - only had a few minor infatuations here and there.

It's going to be our second year together! Which is really remarkably impressive considering that, Shawn aside, I had not been able to harbour passion for someone for longer than 3 months. Well, arguably, the two Kevins would be exceptions. Though arguably the first Kevin was straight, and there really wasn't a whole lot of options available, while the second Kevin wasn't really in the foreground after the first few months. Nonetheless, I still think it's a remarkable achievement. I love you Shawn; you are that that makes this bleak and drab world a little more tolerable - along with my other friends and family of course, but you first and foremost.

So this is Christmas; and it's purportedly a day to remind ourselves of the things we truly cherish in life and things we often take for granted when distracted by that which are more tawdry but fleeting. So let me remind myself then, that there is only one man who can hear me through the silence, one friend who complements me in every way, and one lover whose love for me would never falter - Shawn.

I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.

Proclamation

2011-12-11T23:23:00.002-05:00

But you see, what makes Shawn so special, is that he is imaginary.

And as I had hoped long ago, I am actually starting to see it as a favourable trait. Soon I might come to a stage where if Shawn were a real person, I'd still prefer the imaginary Shawn.

Shawn and I are able to pursuit our happiness in a world that is completely shaped by the two of us. We are not affected by the crude realities of life and immune to the shocks and vicissitudes beyond our control.

In a fantasy world where he will always love me, and I him, we shield ourselves from the hideous experience that is life.

Crazy Stupid Love

2011-11-13T21:51:00.003-05:00

I love you.

And though half the times it doesn't seem so, I love you.

I might not think of you all the time and I might not want you all the time, but I really do love you.

Sometimes I do find it difficult, and I have no one to blame but myself, but trust me, I love you.

I am probably the worst boyfriend you've ever had; probably the worst person you've ever loved; but 'sorry' is probably the most patronising thing I can ever say; and thus I shall resort to 'I love you'.

I love when you tell me that these other fleeting desires aren't really mine.

I love when you tell me that no matter who I go off with, I will always come back to you.

I love when you tell me that you love me.

I love you, Shawn Nathaniel McGuire.

Random Musing

2011-10-29T00:29:00.003-04:00

A part of us insatiably seeks thrill at the expense of safety, the other anchors itself to stability, repulsing passion. Our sanity rest on both parts failing to fully achieve their goals.

Balance is only achieved when conflicting desires settle for less in spite of our inherent inclination for unreserved attainment.

If our sanity depends on the balance and compromise of conflicting desires, then the better we are at satiating each desire, the further we stray from sanity.

A Domestic Discourse

2010-06-30T12:07:00.003-04:00

Participants: Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang & Shawn Nathaniel McGuire

Shawn: Wow, you are actually bringing me into the public eye!

Bryan: You are already in the public eye; only few are oblivious to your existence.

Shawn: True; though this will be the public's first exposure to my prose and articulation. Nonetheless, I doubt anyone would be too fascinated; it is simply identical to yours.

Bryan: Right. Let us not indulge excessively in idle chatter and address the main objective of today's discourse.

Shawn: Right. Let us document your learning experience after a tumultuous day on June 29th 2010 lest we forget.

Bryan: Right. Where shall we start?

Shawn: Let's start with the fact that it was a reasonably successful maiden experiment on "DoubleThink". Though it was only for a short period of time, I feel that it produced ample evidence which should persuade you to invest more time and effort in further implementing the philosophy. You were right in that sometimes it can be extremely arduous to fight the desires of your unconscious mind - love, lust and hope that is not bounded by logic. And I do concede that said quests of the unconscious mind will increase the chances of experiencing "unwanted" emotions - disappointement, dejection, etc. Though, through the incident, you have indeed demonstrated that it is possible to let your unconscious mind roam freely in its pursuit of love, lust, or any other object that you find quite impossible to convince it out of; and yet deftly and competently perform damage control to mitigate the "negative" emotions felt in the event of unsuccessful attempts.

Bryan: *Faint smile* I guess although great wisdom does acquiesce to raw emotions, in the event that "unwanted" raw emotions surface, great wisdom can immediately step up to ameliorate said emotions.

Shawn: Hahaha... I find it so cute... It's like your unconscious mind is a reckless innocent child, and your conscious mind is the wise adult picking up the pieces in the event that the child screws up.

Bryan: Hahaha... *squints eye and gently smacks Shawn's head in jest*

Shawn: There was another interesting observation which I would like to bring up, although this does have significantly less evidence to substantiate considering the length of the incident. Tapping on the model you devised in the post "Love Dilemma"; with effort and commitment, you were reasonably successful in making "the love subject" a "favourable quality" in itself, weren't you? I know said phenomena is in fact common wisdom; it is just that you had some difficulties acquiring such a wisdom, but you did just discover that it is possible to consider "the person" as a "favourable quality" which will lubricate the process of cognitive dissonance with regard to all other "unfavourable qualities".

Bryan: Yes, that was my initial plan but it is too reckless to conclude on the possibility when I hardly practiced it for a week. Though I will definitely attempt to continue such a practice when the next opportunity come about - provide a tantamount of irrational reasons (and hence cannot be trialed by logic) in order to convince the brain to commit to the person in question such that the person itself becomes a "favourable quality". Of course, it would only work if the person has enough relative "favourable qualities" to trigger the entire self-sustaining process which explains why I can't utilize such a strategy to make myself fall in love with any person on earth.

Shawn: Well, it seems to me that this has been quite a successful discourse... Now go read up on your law assignment and perhaps we might be able to catch a movie later if we're in the mood for it. *Playfully ruffles Bryan's hair*

The Issue that is Fear

2010-06-26T12:19:00.003-04:00

Prologue: It is of little bewilderment that Fear has always been yet another emotion which I strive to rationalize away. I must admit that only a relatively meager amount of time and thought have been invested in this issue in the past. Though, with that iota of contemplation, I came up with the hypothesis that to control Fear, one must be indifferent. If one cares not about his/her life, then he/she will not fear losing it. If one cares not about the people around him/her, then one will not fear the tragedies that might befall them.

However, it was only recently that an incident, with someone whom I care a lot about, has brought this topic back into the limelight of my thoughts. And obviously for reasons I need not utter, I would not recommend that he be indifferent.

*End of Prologue*

So... I once again asked God to provide me with answers to the problem - how do we effectively control or deal with fear? And as usual, God remained silent though answers seeped to me from my ever resourceful brain.

My attention was brought to medieval soldiers who were fighting at the front line of the battalion - destined to be the first to fall in all likelihood. My hypothesis is that in order to control or deal with fear, one would need to muster stronger emotions; the two that I can think of are Hatred and Love.

Hatred - It is not difficult to envision that courage on the battlefield can stem from hatred for the other party. However, instead of adhering to Hatred, I will bring forth another emotion - Arrogance - to better demonstrate real life practicality. With Arrogance, it is as if one is conjuring a stronger Fear (stemming from Arrogance - the Fear of being fearful) to counteract all other sorts of Fear. If one has a fervent emotion to not want to seem vulnerable, to not want to feel weak, and to not want to give others the pleasure of inflicting fear in oneself, then perhaps this emotion can surpass the conflicting emotion of Fear itself.

This method does seem easier to implement compared to the counterpart that stems from Love which I will describe later. I do admit that I have somewhat adopted the "Arrogant" approach to counteract fear many times, and it does seem to work quite flawlessly. Though society does seem to frown on Arrogance and Hatred... and I feel that these emotions are indeed less "sustainable" than Love...

Love - My conception of using the emotion of Love to counteract Fear is abstract to the point that I am discouraged to articulate it. It is easy to conceive the ascent in courage in military personnel out of love for their country and the people they protect. However, how to we implement said notion in every day practice - the fear of being mugged, bashed, etc. The crux of the solution lies in the fact that Love (at least a particular kind of Love) can provide one with the peace of mind. Here I invoke the cliche consolation provided to those whose loved ones passed away - "sorrow not, for he/she who has left would not want to see you sad". The same MIGHT be able to apply to fear: Fear not, for the ones who love you sorrow at the prospect of you subjected to such emotional suffering; fear not, for the ones who love you will always be at your side; fear not, invoke the loving memories you have had and let them guide you to peace. The things we potentially fear have the power to strip us of wealth, well-being, sanity, and even our most precious memories; but it cannot strip us of the happiness which we've shared and left behind in this world as it already happened and cannot be changed; and may this notion help us all find peace in fearful moments where we feel at the risk of losing things we fear losing.

Epilogue: I too have a fear; I fear being "vulnerable" - which is why I strive so hard to control my emotions. Though sometimes I feel that it is "okay" to feel "vulnerable"; it is okay to "fear". For in the moment of great fear, we tend to remember what we care most about - what we fear losing. For in the moment of great fear, it comforts us to anchor ourselves to something/someone that is capable of providing us with a sense of peace and security - be it God, your loved ones, or any other.

The Love Dilemma

2010-04-26T21:31:00.005-04:00

- Yeap, my life is just full of dilemmas

(Terminology defined: It is without doubt that the word "love" come in an array of definitions and connotations. For simplicity's sake, the word "love" in this post shall refer to the conventional Romeo & Juliet "love" unless otherwise specified.)

Many believe that the expression of love is beyond words; that one cannot simply explain why one falls in love, one just does; and that love is integral to one's happiness. I once believed such too.

As of year 2010, I shall now articulate my prevailing thoughts on love.

I have two prevailing notions:

Notion 1:

That perhaps there is such a love that is random - that no factors (personality, attractiveness, age, etc) can possibly determine who or what one falls in love with; that one just does. That perhaps there is such a love that is unconditional - I would be able to accept all "his" flaws or to see them as strengths and "his" happiness would be my greatest source of happiness.

That one day, I will meet that someone, that multiple ones, or that thing... with which I will fall in love with; unconditionally. And upon falling in love, I will experience utter bliss.

I just need to find that person(s)/thing.

Unlikely to be true. Though I do hope that it is.

Notion 2:

This notion is more scientifically substantiated than the former, and is indeed more viable; hence shall be used to determine my future actions.

"We so desperately want love to come, yet we have a myriad of criteria as to how it should come - a certain age range, a certain degree of attractiveness, a certain set of personalities (compatibility in essence)".

I noticed that there are some "qualities" that we like (favorable), and some that we don't (unfavorable). [Whether or not a quality is favorable is obviously subjective and based on one's preferences]. I noticed that we attempt to find someone with as many favorable qualities. I also noticed that sometimes we accept unfavorable qualities but sometimes we don't (the "deal breakers" - beyond a certain age, certain qualities, etc).

The last observation is key. Why do we accept some unfavorable qualities but not others? When do we accept unfavorable qualities and when not?

My personal answer to that question is the foundation of the notion. My current (2010 version) verdict is as follows:

It is probable that love [for family, friends, partners] is evolutionary in nature (this is not new to many) - to not be alone, to mate, and to care for our offspring. Hence, we have a desire to love. If the person we love exhibits a favorable quality, then all goes well. If the person we love exhibits a unfavorable quality, our brain has to decide on whether to stop loving the person or to somehow reconstruct the circumstances to make the unfavorable quality bearable.

The latter option can come in many forms, and is key to this notion. Below are two examples of how the latter can be achieved:

A. To spend less time with the person or to have a less intimate association to a degree where the unfavorable quality can be tolerated/accepted. This is when partners become friends, or when close friends become less close.

B. Two words - cognitive dissonance. By not avoiding the conflict as in example A, our brain is powerful enough to make the unfavorable quality bearable or even favorable. To me, this is why so many arranged marriage can seemingly produce so much happiness - since they have no choice (due to social norms) but to stay together, their brains have no choice but to face the conflict. This is why parental love to me is seemingly more unconditional than all others - since (due to social norms or even evolutionary desires), they cannot abandon their child, and hence have to face the conflict and experience cognitive dissonance.

Hence, depending on the circumstances and the specific unfavorable quality, the brain will either choose to avoid the conflict (option A) or to face the conflict and experience cognitive dissonance (option B). I guess this would answer the question as to why some unfavorable qualities are accepted (i.e. snoring) and others (i.e. cheating) not.

With that in mind, comes the conclusion of this notion:

Since it is near impossible to find someone with only favorable qualities at all times and at all circumstances (especially for me who changes so often), the ideal love that I once so fervently sought after can only be achieved through cognitive dissonance. If such is the case, then I can finally stop looking for a partner. Since I so desperately long for a partner with only favorable qualities, with the power of cognitive dissonance, I can convince my brain to be contented and happy with an imaginary boyfriend who possess ONLY favorable qualities irrespective of time and circumstances! With such a partner, I don't even need to go through the heartaches commonly experienced by others who have "real" partners.

Epilogue:

Sometimes, I truly believe that it might be easier to just live life without putting too much thought into everything. *Sigh* But I cannot. I cannot live without thinking; ironically thinking might be the reason why I don't want to live. What a joke.

Mine Shaft Dilemma

2010-04-03T02:58:00.003-04:00

Imagine spending your entire life drilling a mine, only to find that you're drilling deeper and deeper into a mine shaft filled with poison gas. It would seem like you only have two choices:

A. Stop drilling. Let it go, and start fresh with another mine.

B. Drill to your death; after all, it's your life's work.

The first choice seems like a wise one doesn't it? Though what if you're too stubborn to start all over again; to abandon your life's work; to find a new purpose?

Then it would seem that your only alternative is to find a loophole in the system - to have a change in perspective.

1. First, you change the objectives of mining - it's no longer to discover stones or metals. Think of it now as something you enjoy doing, irrespective of end results. Make yourself love the drilling in itself.

2. Then, you drill to your death while remaining happy.

Now there, the second choice doesn't seem too depressing and unwise does it?

Though the only predicament is that 'tis not easy to change one's perspective in life.

Disney Gave Me the Most Realistic Perspective on Love

2009-07-31T22:15:00.002-04:00

I saw a facebook group today. It was titled "Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love". Brushed it off really; didn't think much about it. Though now that I am giving it some thought, it would appear that Disney gave me precisely the most realistic idea of what love really is - or to put it more accurately, what life really is.

If you can rejoice while in destitute, and if you do not obsessively pursue materialistic goals like marrying a prince for his wealth, you would be rewarded with the greatest wealth of all - happiness. [Cinderella]
If you can love someone; if you can really love someone enough to disregard his/her misfortunes and shortcomings; if you really love someone because you really do; you would find that he/she would be the most beautiful person on earth. [Beauty & the Beast]
If you can find happiness in friendship, then such friendship will not abandon you and will help you through the darkest moments of your life. [Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs]

Realistic, no? Too realistic in fact - that it is almost impossible to attain. Though it's not all bleak I suppose, happy endings do happen - like when my parents do not abandon me in times when I act beastly; or when my friends d0 not turn away in times when I am poisoned with anger, depression and hatred.

I suppose the only times when it appeared bleak were the times when I was as jealous as the witch or as greedy as the stepsisters.

There we go again!

2009-06-19T22:23:00.002-04:00

-Yet another conclave.

Bryan: Conclave!!!

Yi Siang: Seriously, this practice has become an addiction; and I don't deem it apt for a public blog!

Samuel: Well I see no harm in this practice, even if it were an addiction. And your attitude seems to be among the leading causes for our emotional instability - which is what instigates the conclaves for your information.

Bryan: Though it would be far from fair to put the blame on him or on such pride. Giving full vent to the predicaments and woes of our life won't solve a thing either. Besides, half the motivation behind public rants is the desire for attention.

Samuel: 'Tis not entirely a heinous is it - a desire for attention? Before we digress further into other topics to keep us occupied until we fall into the greatly therapeutic slumber, I would just like to say that, apropos to the recent "shock" to our equilibrium, sometimes inaction is the most efficient action.

Yi Siang: I would have to concur; I am certainly willing to sacrifice the value of time for our sanity.

Bryan: Nonetheless, the chagrin lies in the fact that the lack of courage and strength has prevented us from harvesting the value of every moment without affecting our emotional state.

Yi Siang: The inevitable truth is that solving the problems of life does require some sort of emotional energy. And by straining what you have left, you end up harvesting less instead. Let the soil rest and the next harvest would be in folds.

Samuel: Haha.. I suppose we have got used to rushing through everything; life included.

Bryan: Perhaps 'tis because we feel so "behind". Though ironically, we've established quite firmly that there is no gauge to progress - a cup is not "half filled" or "half empty", 'tis filled to the rim, just half with water, half with air.

Samuel: *Smiles* That thought pertains to life in general. We, individually speaking, are allowed to be motivated by certain aspirations; though we believe that acquiring such aspirations will not put us in front of other individuals in life.

Bryan: Well I consider today's conclave a success. Adjourned!

Biodiversity Gone Wild

2009-05-27T16:02:00.003-04:00

Opening:
I would first like to say that my stance with regard to this post on environmentalism is neither against nor for. The purpose of this post is to provide some food for thought as human beings do tend to think ahead of ourselves.

Article in the limelight:
http://www.cbin.ec.gc.ca/education/1.cfm?lang=eng

In short, this Government website provides tips and guidelines on how residence owners can have biodiversity in their backyard.
Quote: "Rock, log, mulch and compost piles provide places for rabbits, shrews, mice, snakes and salamanders to lay their eggs and raise their young."
Discussion:

Biodiversity has been receiving quite a lot of attention for the last few decades I believe. Many would agree that humans are part of the ecosystem and without biodiversity, we would too find ourselves in deep waters.

However, when many environmentalist advocate for biodiversity building, has it ever occur to them why we got into our state in the first place? Has it ever occur to them why we got rid of snakes from our backyard in the first place?

I was so tempted to ask my Cities and Environment Professor as he mourned the loss of natural species such as coyotes, and rattle snakes in southern ontario whether he would still think the same if he were to find a rattle snake in his son's room.
Yes! Biodiversity is extremely important! But to what extent? We sit here comfortably in a lecture hall lamenting the extinction of species, feeling high and noble on the podium of conscience. Do we really know what we are truly implying?

The question that I think needs most to be answered is, what is the optimum mix of biodiversity where we can care for our long term existence and also maintain for our current welfare.

How I learned English...

2009-04-28T20:23:00.002-04:00

-my secret!

*All word definitions provided were attained from the online Merriam-Webster dictionary found here: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/*

Sentence: The registrar's office approval of Bryan's registration for a 7th course prevented a possible tirade.

*Hmph... what's tirade? Let's refer to the dictionary.*

Tirade - a protracted speech usually marked by intemperate, vituperative, or harshly censorious language.

*Hmph, what's vituperative?*

Vituperative - uttering or given to censure : containing or characterized by verbal abuse.

*What the hell is censure?!*

Censure - a judgment involving condemnation; an official reprimand.

*What is reprimand?* Sobs

Reprimand - a severe or formal reproof.

*What is reproof?!* Mommy!

Reproof - criticism for a fault

*OH!*

*What was the first word I wanted to know again?*

Absurd dictionaries like the aforementioned which relentlessly inundated me with new words, albeit piqued me tremendously, enriched my vocabulary.

:D

Enjoy.

Donor's Dilemma

2009-04-14T21:18:00.006-04:00

-Who said economics is useless in everyday life decisions? [Pun origin: Prisoner's Dilemma]

*Issue*
Whether or not to continue sponsoring a child after the culmination of work term - zero income.

*Chart*

*Legend*
Guilt (P) = Guilt of spending money from parents
Guilt (C) = Guilt of withdrawing sponsorship
Welfare (I) = My welfare

*Utility Chart*
1 Guilt (P) point = -4 Utility Points
1 Guilt (C) point = -2 Utility Points
1 Welfare (I) point = -5 Utility Points

*Analysis*
1. Continue Sponsoring and scrimping with parental approval
= 1/4 Guilt (P) - Welfare (I)
= -6 Utility Points

2. Continue sponsoring and scrimping with parental disapproval
= -7/4 Guilt(P) - Welfare (I)
= - 12 Utility Points

3. Continue sponsoring without scrimping with parental approval
= Guilt (P)
= -4 Utility Points

4. Continue sponsoring without scrimping with parental disapproval
=+15/4 Guilt (P)
=-15 Utility Points

5. Stop Sponsoring
= Guilt (C)
= -2 Utility Points

*Conclusion*
Least Utility Penalty incurred if stop sponsoring; hence Bryan shall stop sponsoring.

I guess I'd have to make a call to World Vision tomorrow to cancel the pledge and endure a very unpleasant phone conversation whereby on top of canceling my pledge after a short 4 month period, I'd have to turn down every other alternative of providing support, which World Vision would, most likely, perpetually suggest.

Dictation

2009-03-29T18:55:00.004-04:00

*Evolution*

God: Now I want you to transcribe how I created human beings and this land they inhabit. It's really quite a complicated process, so listen carefully. First, I had to design elementary particles, then instigate this complex process, which I will call for now, "Big Bang". Then when earth was fully formed, I had to make sure it was a conducive environment, namely by forming an electro-magnetic field that shields the earth, creating the atmosphere, etc etc. And then, there is the entire process of creating organisms and diversifying them through the process, which I will now call, "evolution".

Author: *Stares agape*

God: *In frustration* Fine, this is the truncated version - I created the world in seven days...The first day, I created heaven and earth, then I created light and darkness, etc etc.

Author: *Smiles* That makes sense! Genesis 1. In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth....

*Marriage*

God to prophets: Now my enlightened prophets and children, go preach to your brothers and sisters about the virtues of unions - whereby my creations come together and commune among each other, beyond families and tribes, communities and cultures.

Prophets to others: Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this cause, shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

God to prophets: Halt! When did I endorse such exclusivity whereby unions only extend to a man and a woman?

Prophets to God: My Lord, throughout my life, I have only seen such unions, please enlighten us.

God to prophets: Every single creation of mine contains my spirit. When one finds that one's path is barren of light, my other creations can come forth and allow their spirit to illuminate the darkened path. Such unions are diverse. When one is young, one shall have the company of one's parents or caregivers. When parents leave the fellowship through death, detachment or abandonment, one would still have the company of one's peers. The latter type of union that extends beyond familial ties is so fascinating that it is hard to describe. It can be in form of a man and a woman, which you are familiar with, whereby the two share the burden throughout the journey of life. Though in the past, a man and many women form such unions as during such times, many women needed the aid of a man. And as humanity consolidates and as my creations socialise more among themselves, other unions such as friendship, might be equally, if not more important than marriage. When procreation ceases to be as imperative to growth, unions between men and men, or women and women would be more common. And as gender roles dissipate, the term men and women wouldn't even be applicable. I would also not be too surprised when there come a time when humans and animals or even machines form strong bonds.

Prophets: *Stares agape*

God: Oh nevermind! Preach as you wish, as long as you convey the virtue to contemporary society.

*Religion*

God to prophets: Now my children of many regions, preach to your community that the Gods they worship, fear, sacrifice for, and use as excuses to persecution are unreal. Tell them that I am the only true God, and that my values should be embraced.

Hebrew prophet: *In hebrew* He is the only true God, conducting any other sort of worshipping is commiting idoltry, and should be condemened.

Arab prophet: *In arabic* He is the only true God, pray only to Him or be punished in Hell.

God to self: Oh dear... *sigh*

-Testimony-

Bryan:

Perhaps I am committing blesphemy, but since the tenets of the major religions fail to help me understand the phenomena I see happening on earth, I had to develop a faith that does.

Interpretation:

*Evolution* - Science

The first conflict between religion and science which I learned of was between Galileo and the Church. All occured because the Church interpreted the bible with contemporary knowledge that they had, and hence claimed that the bible spoke for them and against Galileo.

Suppose that God created the world using solid science, he could not have conveyed such knowledge and wisdom to human beings who have yet to discover such knowledge, be it evolution to the people of the past, or some crazy theory to the people of the 21st century. Hence, how can one use the Bible to refute scientific discoveries when the Bible was written in the perspective of the authors who have yet to learn these discoveries?

*Marriage* - Values

Many of times, I've witnessed people using citations of ONE or at most TWO phrases in chapters of the Bible to substantiate an accusation - the decadance of same-sex love; the deprecation of females; the unrighteousness of abortion. And half the times, the usage of the cited phrases is not even germane to the message of the chapter itself.

If God were indeed against homosexuality, don't you think he would dedicate at least an entire chapter regarding the sin, instead of just a few lines here and there in different chapters which do not even pertain to same-sex relationships. There is not even a parable on homosexuality; just a few lines or even WORDS here and there.

As mentioned above, if indeed the bible was written in the narrow perspective of the author, should we not try to understand the values that God has asked them to convey instead of reading their words per se? Aren't words are just means of translating God's values in the mindset of the contemporary authors and hence skewed based on the knowledge of the contemporary authors?

*Religion* - Reconciliation

Like a few others, I feel that the main values of the major religions I see today are the same! Can you be so sure that the Christian God isn't in fact the Islamic Allah? Can you be so sure that God wasn't wise enough to send two or more messiashs to different regions of the world to preach the same values?

*End of annoying religious rant*

The Grand Conclave Part 2

2009-03-16T21:41:00.002-04:00

Motion: When in doubt, write!

Bryan: Once again, I summon forth the second public conclave between the three personae of Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang. Discuss.

Yi Siang: This is pathetically absurd; nonetheless hilarious. Are we to simply confabulate nonchalantly every ruddy time you feel a tad bit uncomfortable with your emotions?

Samuel: There there; this is a cliche three musketeer scenario - "one for all and all for one" - don't you think you ought to be a tad bit more supportive. Though, arguably 'tis your role to be discouraging.

Bryan: We just need some idle chatter to occupy our minds for the rest of the evening. Soon enough, it would be time for bed, and we would once again embrace another day bestowed on us.

Yi Siang: Frankly, sometimes you do engage in unnecessary and deleterious musings. Not all questions need to have an answer; not all parables need to be understood; and certainly not all moments need to be analyzed.

Bryan: Moments not analyzed would remain adrift and not become parables; parables not understood would stay barren and not produce knowledge capable of answering questions; lastly, questions not answered would increase in numbers and afflict us like a malignant cancer.

Yi Siang: 'Tis only true if you let unanswered questions do any harm.

Samuel: Alas, is it not our very nature to be vexed by the unknown? Our inquisitive nature is both our worry and our comfort.

Yi Siang: Ironic is it not? It exacerbates our worries by increasing the number of unanswered questions, and provides comfort by solving them.

Bryan: Sad - I would call it.

Samuel: It's really not that bad. It's just a part of life. We surely can attempt to answer every question; albeit some shall certainly remain unanswered and accompany us to the morrow. We've all made a promise; might as well make the best of it.

Bryan: Excellent! The night draws nigh. Another day of work beckons. Group dismissed. Have a good night.

Mythbuster Episode 3!!

2009-03-14T21:00:00.005-04:00

Myth: Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang is white-washed!

Even the most careless scrutiny on the activities which I have conducted today is enough to debunk such a ludicrous myth.

So what did I do today? I indulged in yet another of Sammi Cheng's sublime performance, portrayed in the show 我左眼見到鬼 [My left Eye Sees Ghost]. :D

Evidence 1: A Taste in Cinematography that would not be considered white-washed!

Short synopsis of the show:

Sammi Cheng's husband, whom she only knew for a mere seven days at a vacation island before tying the knot, died in an underwater accident shortly after the marraige in the very same vacation island, leaving behind much fortune. His supercilious and wealthy family had a very low opinion of her and her family background when she was acquainted with them after returning from the island.

Three years later, after a car accident befells her, ghosts were miraculously visable to her left eye. Consequently, she befriended a ghost who is purportedly her highschool classmate. For almost a year, the ghost became her closest friend, bringing a tinge of happiness and sanity into her life. The ghost inevitably expressed affection which was unrequited for she still loved her husband dearly.

Not too long after the ghost cross-overed, she met the real classmate whom the ghost claims to be - very much alive. Upon the incident, she came to realize that the ghost was in fact her husband and that he engaged in imposture; firstly to hide his identity, and secondly because apparently the classmate was deemed an apt partner for her.

A memorable scence:

Setting: Sammi Cheng confessing her love for her husband to her ghost friend, who, unbeknownst to her, is in fact her husband.

Translation:
Sammi: I don't care if you would beleive it or not, I really do love my husband. Though I really don't feel like publicizing it. Nobody would believe it. They would surely have said: "Love?! You've only known him for seven days! You probably just fell in love with his money." Even for those who purports that they do, they probably think the same - "Love?! You've only known him for seven days! You probably just fell in love with his money." Sometimes, I would muse to myself as well: "Love?! You've only known him for seven days! You probably just fell in love with his money. Is such heartache necessary?" But indeed, I really do miss my husband dearly. Ever since ghosts became visible to me, I've seen many of them, but not my husband. Perhaps, he shared the same thought - "Love?! She'd only known me for seven days! She probably just fell in love with my money."

Evidence 2: A taste in music that would not be considered white-washed!

The song in the show which I am playing repeatedly on youtube:

Conclusion: Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang is not white-washed; he truly appreciates a variety of cultures!

"Cheh! 有几爱阿！只识一个月！还不是爱他的样！(And the entire post probably served as a facade; just so I could utter this line.)

What is the best way to know if your Spaghetti is al dente (cooked)?

2009-03-01T20:32:00.006-05:00

Answer: Fork a strand out and taste it yourself.

A friend recently reminded me that my proficiency in the English language is plummeting like the temperature in Toronto. (Seriously! 6 degrees on Thursday, and -11 on Friday. I am not amused by the WeatherGod's whimsical sense of humour; especially when I have a suspicious feeling that it is partly responsible for my ailment throughout the weekend!) Unsurprisingly, my pride did not allow me to take his remark unheeded.

Hence, after almost 2 months of silence, here I am again! :D Though with no purpose or agenda. :S

Tthough the efficacy of blog-writing with regards to improving one's English, I have little faith in. Nonetheless, I certainly see no harm in once again musing aloud to nobody but myself; or the few who, God-knows-how, stumbled upon this blog.

Now, again: What is the best way to know if your Spaghetti is cooked?

However, this time, with the cavaet that you would only get to cook Spaghetti once in your entire life.

Answer: Splatter your entire house with Spaghetti; inundate facebook with pictures of walls laden with cooked Spaghetti; and then blog about it! :D

(P.S. The Spaghetti analogy is a reference to the commonly held notion that one of the best ways to tell if your Spaghetti is cooked is to fling it onto a wall; for if it does, it is.)

Interpretation of Analogy: We only have one attempt at life, sometimes the most logical solution isn't the best solution.

I don't think I can ever write a blog post without lacing it with philosophies, can I? How unmitigatedly annoying.

A Box of Chocolate

2008-12-09T23:52:00.004-05:00

- "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're going to get." Forest Gump

Even a fanatically romantic idealist like myself could not fool myself into believing that what lies inside the above box of chocolate purchased from a not so absurdly expensive Chocolatier would remotely surprise me. With just a tad bit of observation, one could construe that mass production is perhaps the only means to having such a box with slots that would perfectly contain each chocolate. And hence, every box would no doubt contain the exact same chocolates as the display box which was visible to all customers.

Die me, have I, a self-proclaimed Utopian, just baulked this box of chocolate of its romantic value?

Even if I know precisely which chocolates I would be getting, and even if I - suppose that I am a connoisseur - know exactly how each chocolate would taste like, would it ruin the magical element of this indulgence?

Life is perhaps like a box of chocolate. Some lives resemble Forest Gump's boxes where the element of surprise abound with plenty of exciting journeys to embark on. Though some lives resemble my bleak box of chocolates, with fixed circumstances, paved future, and little room for change and caprice.

Though is life really just about surprises, enthusiasm, hysteria or magical sparks? The enjoyment a box of chocolate can induce does not only pertain to the element of surpise it offers. If one becomes obsessed with the surprise element a box of chocolate can offer, and gobble chocolate after chocolate just to satiate one's curiosity of the taste, then perhaps the full enjoyment of relishing every taste of the chocolate by letting it melt gradually would not have been attained.

Or if one ponders too much about the philosophies behind a box of chocolate and decides to write a post about it at 12:30 at night despite having work tomorrow for no other reason than that writing offers a certain kind of solace which is required when this one person is in doubt, then obviously the pleasure of consuming the box of chocolate would be utterly negated by the lethargy this one person would feel next morning.

And this post shall culminate with a note that the author of this post would not be adding tinges of colours to his texts as he has did previously because it would accentuate the philosophy imbued within - let not the surface value ruin the profound content. And those who know the author well enough would know that the aforementioned is obviously unmitigated bullshit, and that the reason for such dull colours for this post is no other than that the author is tired and wishes to go to bed.

Good Night.

Great Movies with Great Words

2008-11-25T21:28:00.005-05:00

Actual Quotes

Gattaca - "There is no gene for the human spirit."

Ratatouille - "Though not everybody can become a great artist, a great artist can come from anywhere."

Amazing Grace - "... remember, God made men equal."

Love Actually - "If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspision, love actually is all around."
Bryan's Captions

Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) - Everybody, or rather everything, deserves to love, and be loved.

Chocolat - The most decadent pleasure can be no greater a sin than the most justified hatred.

The Grand Conclave

2008-11-23T22:45:00.004-05:00

Bryan: So why are you writing this?

Yi Siang: Because you crave attention.

Samuel: No, because you are not feeling too well emotionally, and articulation provides some sort of solace.

Bryan: Why am I emotionally unwell?

Yi Siang: Does anyone notice the disadvantage on my side? My frank disposition cannot be fully expressed in a public place, and hence I would have to speak in metaphor at the risk of dampening the intensity of my message. Nonetheless, life is laden with iniquity and I must just live with it. You're crestfallen because you feel like a swan amidst ducks.

Samuel: Troughs in life are not uncommon to any pilgrims of life. "Be patient". You've relentlessly advocated for this virtue, hence practice it for once.

Yi Siang: I think you're asking the wrong questions here. We might not be able to come into consensus, or we might not be able to even provide an answer to the many questions that baffle you; the many questions that brings about sorrow or frustration. But today, these questions are not the reason for this confabulation. The reason is no secret to any of us.

Bryan: But what can I do about it?

Yi Siang: Oh for God's sake, either do as your heart wishes, and live through a dramatic and chaoatic life, or do as your mind wishes, and live pragmatically and impassively.

Samuel: Or a mix of both - mustering the courage to conjure hysteria when the few moments heave into sight, and maintaining composure during other times for our own sanity, and the others who care about us.

Bryan: So, at present, what does this qualify as? A surge of irrational emotions due to too long a period of apathy, that should be disregarded and let dissipate, or one of those moments where courage should be summoned and pride dismissed to not only risk one's emotional equilibrium but also to risk looking like an unmitigated fool?

Yi Siang: The former.

Samuel: The former.

Bryan: Are you both saying so due to the lack of courage? One fears too much of the overwhelming emotional instability that might result, the other fears too much the loss of pride.

Samuel: Perhaps this is just not the right moment.

Yi Siang: Even if it is, many more still await in the future. Perhaps then, courage would not eschew us. Or vice versa.

Samuel: It would not be too outrageous to suggest that this event serve no other purpose than to help gradually build courage for future events.

Bryan: I suppose.

Yi Siang: Wait, are you considering publishing this? And you were speaking of the perseverance of pride?

Samuel: Give others the opportunity to gain insights into the mechanisms of our mind. One small step in the journey to help you start opening to those other than us both.

Yi Siang: I do not encourage such a reckless journey.

Samuel: Oh for God's sake, put that pride aside, and you'd see that you do.

Bryan: Alright, I guess that is it for this conclave. I apologize for the awkwardness instigated by the translucence of this particular one. Dismissed.

Reincarnation

2008-11-09T21:34:00.005-05:00

-in a whim of a moment, I decided to write again!

Perhaps due to boredom or procrastination, I have decided to once again, muse, to the internet, my twisted, ill-humored, and distasteful deliberations. I shall elucidate no more on my said caprice as, if you have not noticed, this is a blog that welcomes, philosophies, ideologies, and most of all, nonsensical ramblings, but disdains inner feelings and emotions (also known to the public as emo-ranting). This is of course, owing to the fact that the author, mich ("me" in german - a language that I've persuaded myself to learn, by buying the "learn-german-in-four-simple-steps" package, but lack the will power to), is still not comfortable inundating the internet with his more "personal" sentiments.

Hence without further ado, allow me the honour of introducing the, by far, best satirical video I have witnessed.

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children's Healthcare

(Warning: if you have no interest in "politics", the discipline imposed on all human beings as "general-knowledge-you-ought-to-know-because-if-you-don't-you're-an-apathetic-loser", for the purpose of fabricating reverence for those interested in the aforementioned discipline, to lessen the inferiority complex said people feel due to the more appealing, cool, and attractive interests, common to many other people, such as sports, video-games, art, painting and night-clubbing, THEN *catches breath*, you would not enjoy this video clip as much as I did.)

One thing cool about this website (www.theonion.com) is that even its commercials are made for ridicule, which makes me wonder where it gets its funding from.

"The following is brought to you by SAAB and SAAB turbo, delivering the perfect balance of efficiency and performance!"

If I am not mistaken, the above accentuates on the inverse relationship between performance (speed, acceleration, etc) and fuel efficiency for automotives.

Alright, so, to the video. One element in this video which I find particularly interesting, due to partly, the matter itself, and partly, my current sentiments is, what I like to call, "the great flaw of democracy!"

"The great flaw of democracy", according to Yi Siang's dictionary, is a fault (deemed by Bryan to be the most deleterious fault) in a democratic system which surfaces due to the majority's ignorance or lack of foresight.

Should children be allowed to vote on their healthcare system, the video suggest that most would completely obliterate it. This perfectly democratic decision would of course instigate great peril for the children themselves. Put simply, in this situation, a democratic system would ruin its subjects.

Similarly, should California allow people who think that "same-sex marriage" is not a civil rights because, unlike the blacks, the women, and any other minority groups, people obviously choose to be homosexual (or rather, because people obviously voluntarily choose to undergo oppression, discrimination and condescension, perhaps because ordinary life is such a bore), to vote on Proposition 8 (which if passed, would define marriage as between a man and a woman), then, as this clearly would instigate the emergence of the Great Flaw of Democracy", democracy perhaps is not the best system to be used here.

Note: Though I acknowledge or believe that homosexuality can indeed be a "choice" for certain individuals, many of those who identify as homosexuals, which includes myself, would contend that if it is indeed a choice, Church Street ("the gay village") would come undone by tomorrow morning.

Alright then, too much "Bryan Ideology" for one post. I would certainly lament more about Proposition 8 in the upcoming posts.

Good Night, and Good Luck!

P.S. Sorry for the run-on sentences, which I so obviously indulge in writing, despite the risk of sounding gramatically incorrect.

A Morbid Letter

2008-03-06T20:29:00.005-05:00

Dear Blog,

I now write to you solemnly and sincerely, which I believe is the least you deserve after foreseeing your imminent decease, or rather my inevitable renunciation.

As a blog inherits its intelligence from its writer, (I hear some of you puking), I have more than enough reasons to believe that you are sensing a dissipation in my interest in you. Forgive me for being blatant, but the sole reason to your prolonged existence is that, as I was told, blogs are effective tools for virtual self-marketing.

You have to understand that with new commitments filling up my already hectic schedule, you have now become an onerous obligation. The mere fact that this letter could not be completed and consequently had to be saved as a draft, only to be completed a day after, lucidly demonstrated how preoccupied I am.

Alas and alack, I have to say regretfully that unless an unlikely revelation resuscitates my interest in you, or unless a guest writer is willing to temporarily adopt you, you will have to languish, along with the other abandoned blogs in the unvisited archive of www.blogger.com.

There there, do not be too upset. At least you would be able to have intellectual conversations with regard to socio-politics with John Lee Si Ang's blog. But should you find him too boring one day, I would suggest that you pray hard for Xin Dee's and Yi Lynn's blog to join you soon enough.

Sincerely,
Your Cruel Owner - Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang

Noname

2008-02-24T00:57:00.013-05:00

I thought perhaps not having a title for one of my posts would contribute a tad bit of novelty. Besides, squandering too much time on trying to conjure an appropriate title for a post with utterly disparate contents seems unfruitful.

Alright first off, I would like to extend my utmost gratitude to Kye and those who were involved in helping her put together the wonderful video she made for my birthday. It really did made my day, which before watching the video, constituted of nausea from too much mucus, migraine from a nose block (I don't know how they are correlated, but one seems to be the cause of the other), and boredom from wading through the pages of my "introduction to business" textbook.

THANK YOU!

Oh and for those who might be interested in witnessing Kye's finesse in putting together the video, I've embedded it.

So anyway, since this would be too short a post, I decided to muse a little about a few things. (Oh dear here comes Yi Siang and his philosophies.)

Anyway, I've just finished watching "Elizabeth: The Golden Age".

And despite it's over dramatized and embellished prestige of the English Empire during the Early Modern Period, (and of course a rather misleading and negative portrayal of the Habsburgs and its catholic allies), I actually did enjoy the film. Cate's acting was sublime as usual, but I always do love these historical movies. Except for 300 though.. That was just WAY too over glorified.

The twisting of historical films in favour of the protagonists must be judiciously applied. Use it too little, and you end up with Alexander, which I utterly adore by the way, but few appreciate; use it too much, and you end up with 300, which I find utterly distasteful, but apparently loved by many.

I mean come on, doesn't too much euro-centrism repel you? There's the "only presenting historically accurate facts that convey one side of story" which we are quite familiar with, and there's the "make all enemies look malicious and repugnant, and glorify protagonists by incessant nonsensical bellows". (TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!)
Anyway, I think I should mellow down a little, in case I offend too many 300 fans...

Anyway, it's actually quite amusing to think that the antagonists presented in the aforementioned shows were once great empires, which during their height, few dare to deprecate. It constantly reminds me of the ideology that whatever goes up, must come down.The Achaemenid (Persians), Romans, Umayyads, Mongols, Ottomans, Habsburgs; they all had their peaks, but crumbled anyways. Which makes me wonder, has America reached its pinnacle? By the way, I did not forget Alexander the Great; technically his empire didn't crumble, he died, and his generals tore his empire apart.

You know, the sudden surge of interest in history might actually encourage me to enroll in more history courses in the future. But it's actually quite the deleterious escapism. I fear that I would indulge too much in the past... (in a past which I have never lived in. lol).

So yeah, as you can see, this is quite a messy post. But I guess that is what blogs are for.

I'm Sick!

2008-02-16T19:29:00.004-05:00

(Do not be deceived, this is not a post about global warming, much to the disappointment of Kevin. It's just that I am too lazy to find a better picture.)

And no, this is not the sadistic, masochistic, perverted, licentious kind of sick. This is the kind of sick where some idiotic pathogens enter the body and say, "Hey, lets live in the body of this imbecile who did not take the flu shot!"

And don't you dare admonish me fellow Malaysians, I bet all of you would disregard the idea of having a flu shot with a frivolous snort. After all, it is undeniably true that we've survived for more than a decade in, let's just say (out of patriotism), a marginally unhygienic place.

It just doesn't make sense that the invincible antibodies which rendered us immune to

water from rivers where all conduits of domestic waste converge
ice-cube made from drain water
food from "mamak stalls" (to those who are less familiar with the Malaysian Culture, these are restaurants that go by the motto: "Good Food from Dirty Quarters Materialize" (pun origin: Great Oaks from Little Acorns Grow)

failed to subjugate the seemingly harmless "winter flu".

Alright I am going to cook myself whatever non-oily food I can conjure. This is the time when I wish I had acquired the invaluable skill of stewing porridge.

Filler Post

2008-02-10T23:30:00.001-05:00

-Akin to artistes, inspiration doesn't come easy for bloggers(pun origin: filler songs)

Yes, I noticed that I haven't uploaded for approximately two weeks. You can officially blame these guys.
(From top to bottom)

History of Europe (1610-1715)
Early Modern Europe (1450 - 1789)
The Ottoman Empire and Early Modern Europe
Suleiman the Magnificent
Early Modern Europe: The age of Religious War 1559-1715
Frontiers of Ottoman Studies Volume 1
Frontiers of Ottoman Studies Volume 2

Alright, I'll have to admit that I am, to a certain extent, overreacting to my first history essay. But my "oh-my-god-what-am-i-going-to-write" mental state is fairly justified by the fact that this is my FIRST history essay from my FIRST history course, in my FIRST year of University. To add to the melodrama, it's a SECOND year history course!

Aside from ranting about my essay, I would also like to express some opinions I hold on the service industry in developed countries. Some of you might know that I've always acknowledged, and accepted, the execrable quality of service in developed countries. As a student who so confidently asserted that he wanted to specialize in economics, only to change his mind two months after enrolling in university, I must say that this is in fact, unsurprising.

Good Economy > High Production > Lower Unemployment > More "bad workers" (as my economics lecturer coins them)

Nonetheless, despite the creaking under the strain services provided by many of the service industries I've encountered, (my optometrist, computer technicians, Tim Horton's baristas, etc) I must say that I was left in awe when a history book I requested from a library in another campus arrived in two days. (One technically, considering that I requested it on Saturday) Go UofT!

Oh yeah, Chinese New Year! How could I have forgotten? Happy Chinese New Year to all those whom

did not have lessons on Chinese New Year's Day itself
got to gobble up the relatively (compared to what I had) delectable reunion dinner
did not have 1 assignment due and 2 midterms on the week after
received remuneration for putting on the big faux smile and (for some/most of you) reiterating greetings whose meanings you have no clue of
(and most importantly) indulged in gambling and drinking!

So for those of you whom are interested in what I did for my Chinese New Year, simply apply the "negation property" to the five items listed above.

And that's all for the first filler post of my blog! Have a great day!

So Much for Free Will

2008-01-29T17:51:00.000-05:00

The Fable of My Computer(s) and Me.

So, the great adventure began when I was 7, or actually younger, when my dad (yes! my dad) introduced me to Warcraft 2 on his Windows 95! Although very much irrelevant to future addiction, I find it incumbent on me to disclose my first exposure to virtual reality. Being the "Mom, I want to conquer the world!" kid, I naturally proceeded to the other real time strategy games such as Starcraft, Red Alert I, Red Alert II and Tiberian Sun.

(Gone were the days when excellent game play would more than make up for unbearable 2D graphics)

It ALL started when, the "Hey, let's further exploit the young ignorant teenagers who utterly abhor reality" era, heralded the advent of "why talk when you can communicate and play at the same time" games [Online Games].

I believe I was first exposed to Ragnarok Online when I was 12. (Counter Strike had never really appealed to me.) And I believe my parents acknowledged my first manifestation of addiction when the telephone(internet) bill was worth as much as a round trip to China (Air Asia). Being the "sigh, just give our only son what he wants" parents, they decided to get me the would-be infamous Streamyx.

"Thou Shall Not Play" (The Inauguration of "Overt" Divine Intervention") - DC!
I forgot how it precisely began, but my streamyx connection started disconnecting intermittently, which entirely nullifies the fun of gaming. And hence the addiction abated, temporarily at least. Though I remember the stability restored a few months after in mid form 3(Grade 9), the "online gaming fever" had dwindled and hence even the stable connection didn't restore my zeal for online games (Gunbound).

The Devil Strikes Back - WarCraft 3
It all started again, because my forever compromising parents, decided it was "alright" to permit me a 2 hour respite in the cyber cafe during the overwhelming PMR period. [For those parents, who somehow come across my blog, and intend to judge my parents, I had straight As for PMR alright!]

(This is a little technical) The reason why I had to visit the cyber cafe was because I was playing WarCraft 3 on battlenet, which was impossible to play from home at that time as BlueServer wasn't invented yet. (And of course since nobody in Malaysia buys the original version.)

So when Bluesever came out, I was once again "hooked'.

The Return of God! (I know it's a little blasphemous, but these are just puns originating from Star Wars titles, so sorry if I offended any Christians out there.)

Basically, the unstable connection came back. And since nobody wanted to play with a guy whom would get disconnected in the middle of a game, I ended up spending the last of my "dota career" with Kevin, whom was suffering from another form of intervention - "Spontaneous Shutdown". And obviously, we didn't play much due to the aforementioned restrains.

The Devil's Messiah (Weng Jun)
While I was unmitigatedly exasperated by the unstable connection, having a proliferating urge to throw the modem out of the window, I discovered an unsecured wireless connection (my neighbour, Weng Jun's) which was completely stable. Hence once again, I indulged myself in moral decadence and dissoluteness.

Judgment Day (Auto-Shutdown)
While cavorting and frolicking in virtual reality, the "last punishment" struck me like a rapture would strike an infidel. The worst befell on me! Now my laptop would automatically shutdown after playing for about half an hour (barely a complete dota match). And so, there was a period in my life where I was completely devoid of computer games. I started socializing more I guess -- engaging in 5 hour phone calls with my friends.

Revelation (Table Fan!)
Perhaps the divine being felt my palpable penitence and compunction, and hence decided to bestow on me some mercy. So one morning, I woke up realizing that by elevating my laptop and by having a table fan blown directly beneath it, it would actually prevent the all devastating auto-shutdown. Nonetheless, at the time, as my social life flourished, the appeal of virtual reality had already greatly diminished, and hence I wasn't as obsessed as before. If I am not mistaken, by the time I left for Canada, I didn't even have the updated version of BlueServer.

"Mom, I want to Conquer the World!" (Medieval II Total War)
While I was studying in an international school in Canada, before coming to University, my roommate Wayne, introduced me to Medieval II Total War, which indeed allowed you to literally conquer the world and kill all those who oppose you! The Alexander the Great in me immediately resurfaced. And Wayne kindly allowed me to play on his computer when he is not using it as mine obviously didn't support it.

Now unlike all my previous deleterious indulgences, I do not believe this to be an unhealthy temptation, after all, this was the game that

made me realize that Edinburgh was in Scotland and not England
piqued my interest in the geography and history of Early Modern Europe
ultimately instigated my enrollment in a history course entitled - "The Early Modern Mediterranean" [And don't ask me how, but inexplicably, I enjoy this lecture much more than the math one]

Charles V - Holy Roman Emperor (1519-1556)

And as I left for University, a tinge of melancholy pervaded my soul as I parted with Wayne's laptop.

The Last Chapter
If you find the aforementioned interventions pretty miraculous, wait till you hear this. So recently, after a scintilla of epiphany, an iota of luck, and a whole lot of wisdom, I managed to reduce my CPU capacity to prevent overheating. Well you would imagine me going, "GAMES HERE I COME!". Well no.

At this time, the only game I would actually consider playing is Medieval II Total War, but even if my computer could support it, it would cost $50 to purchase. So I decided to download Medieval I Total War instead. A huge compromise, but what the heck, it's still Medieval Total War.

So as I thought I was finally given the opportunity to give vent to the urge of reliving in the Early Modern Times, which significantly pents up every time I complete a week's reading required of me in my history course, the game crashed before I can even start a campaign. And after some research, I found out that the newer graphic drivers wouldn't support such an old game. And even more miraculously, all the troubleshoot provided to those who suffered from the same fate did not work for me.

And hence, the crestfallen me once again embraces bitter reality after getting shunned by virtual reality.

~The End~

There They Go Again.

2008-01-24T16:37:00.000-05:00

So... Heath Ledger died....

(omg, he looks a lot like the Ashmore twins in this particular picture eh?)

TOD: Jan 22 2008 (aged 28)
COD : "Unknown" (Drugs.... sleeping pills)

Brad Renfro
TOD: Jan 15 2008 (Aged 25)
COD: "Unknown" (Drugs!)

River Phoenix!

(Notice how only his picture is coloured... because I liked him most)

TOD: Oct 31, 1993 (aged 23)
COD :DRUGS!

I don't know.. I just feel a tinge of melancholy every time a celebrity dies at such young age. Well, Heath Ledger did have his days, nothing good has come out of Brad Renfro since his adolescent days, but RIVER PHOENIX, he could have achieved so much more... why did he have to die.... from drugs!

By the way, for those who are unaware of the sublime acting skills of River Phoenix, he starred in Stand by Me and My Own Private Idaho. I have only watched this two but I heard he was pretty good in Running on Empty too. He was also supposed to star in Basketball diaries, but Leonardo DiCaprio took over his role after his unfortunate death.

Sigh..... Drugs......

Cold, cold, go away!

2008-01-16T17:47:00.000-05:00

don't come again another day.

So, after a few days of relatively clement weather, the cold is back in Toronto!

This is the only time of year when I wonder why I am not here instead.
(Something I don't understand though. How can it be 25 degrees and yet "feels like" 36? Those who are more familiar with the science behind the weather, please do enlighten me.)

But then of course, to compensate for the cold weather.
Muahaha. No more freaking, "creaking under the strain", "I-am-so-sorry-but-the-88-ringgit-package-does-not-offer-a-stable- connection", and "It's-a-1-MGbit/s-connection-but-you'll-only-get-500kbit/s" STREAMYX.

In retrospect, Streamyx actually contributed approximately 70% to my teenage angst. (Remember all those games where I would get disconnected, Kev?) Such a sad life eh? I guess it was only my area because my other peers did not suffer the same fate. But ultimately it helped curb my gaming hours, along with the infamous "auto-shutdown" of course. To quote someone, "your computer has a conscience of its own."

And of course, my parents did not burn their pockets just to get me a good connection. There are other things as well.

(Hopefully at least some of you would get the euphemism)

And can you imagine that I actually told my parents assertively that "I like winter!" to pacify their worries?
*Shakes head and prays for spring*

O Captain! My Captain!

2008-01-13T16:46:00.000-05:00

-Walt Whitman, 1865

I know "Emo" posts aren't very welcomed in the blog world. I personally would compare it to cliches in writing and faux pas in dinner tables - avoid them like the plague even if they seem most genuine. But since I am a relatively new blogger, and do not have much reputation to begin with, I shall now exercise my prerogatives!

(Emo post begins)

O Captain! My Captain!

The first film I would like to put forward in my pioneering post to extol "emoness" is the very awe-inspiring film, Dead Poets Society (1989).
Starring Robbin Williams

and Ethan Hawke

(Look at how amiable he used to be)

with Robert Sean Leonard

(Yes! No other than Dr. Wilson himself)

The few of my friends who enjoy watching old classical films would most probably have already acknowledged the grandeur of this sublime film. Those who have not, be warned. This film will tear you down to tears irrespective of gender, age and sexual orientation.

Pass it on!
There's another film that shares a similar theme, though I would not say grandeur. But of course it's a good film as well, or I wouldn't even mention it on my blog.
The History Boys (2006). This film actually has a great lineup of virile, chiselled, and talented British boys. (What a way to sell a film.)

Anyway, both these films depict the struggle of a devoted teacher amidst a community of pedagogues who no longer believe in the true form of eduction - "to help them help themselves"

"O Captain! My Captain!" was how the students in Dead Poets Society address Mr. Keating (played by Robin Williams).
and "Pass it on!" was what Mr. Hector exhorted to the students in The History Boys.

As you can see where this post is heading already, I shall not prevaricate any longer.
I would like to dedicate this post to all my previous teachers, mentors and some of them, friends, who still do believe that there's an unblemished part of education - an elusive part untainted by society which accentuates on the nurturing of the soul rather than the accomplishments on mere paper.

Oh Captains! My Captains! I would try to pass it on.

(Emo Post ends)

So now after reading this long and boring post, stop asking me why I tutor for free.

OH and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEV!

Everybody's Changing

2008-01-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

and I don't feel the same... dum.. dum dum... dum dum.. dum dum..
Yes, that's Keane, and their hit song "everybody's changing."

No, this post has nothing to do with Keane or their hit song. I am becoming quite a fan of digression eh? Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder maybe?

Anyway, this post is about me and my newest obsession.

Ta Dah!

Sultan Suleiman I the Magnificent

Okay, he is not exactly my latest obsession but I couldn't find an interesting image that would depict HISTORY, so the best I could come up with is the image of a man whose empire is the main focus of my history course.

Uhhuh, I am taking a History Course. The irony! To Kevin, Yi Kee and all those who are extremely familiar with my distaste for "Sejarah", I can hear the gales of laughter from half a world away. Even I myself still find it a little hard to believe that I enrolled in a "B" level History course. (There are four levels for all University subjects - A, B, C, D)

I guess everybody does change. If Sher Lin can go from psychology to architecture (don't quote me on it), I can go from Science or Economics to History! Alright, that sounds too far-fetched. I don't think I would ever be a historian. Maybe after I've completed this degree and maybe after MBA, when I get too bored in life, I would go for a degree in History! lol.

I actually had my first History lesson on Monday from 10a.m. - 12 p.m. And guess what! I didn't sleep! In fact, I found it quite interesting! And after the lesson. I went to the computer lab to do another hour of reading about the Byzantine Empire.

I guess my thick rimmed glasses did make an impact on me after all.

You Are What You Wear

2008-01-06T15:04:00.001-05:00

One who is proficient in English would most probably wonder, "Isn't it you are what you eat?" Now I don't know who came out with that phrase , but don't you think it's utter bullocks? So if you eat pigs, you are a pig? That's absurd is it not?

Don't you guys think the phrase "You are what you wear" makes more sense? Take myself as an example. I used to be , with my poor sense of fashion, the insipid and dull Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang, but now with my thick rimmed spare glasses (had to wear it because my main pair is at the brink of breaking), I am the intellectual Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang.
(Alright I have to mention something here. I need to extend my reverence to those who have mastered the art of taking photos of themselves. Do you know how many blurry pictures I got before I finally got this shot!)

Actually this post was supposed to be about the book that I am holding in the above picture, but I thought it would be more entrancing if I were to start it that way.

Yes.. The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini.
I just wanted to dedicate a post to this wonderful book, which one of my friend said, was "7 hours of tears". For those of you who don't really know me, I must say that I am really not an avid reader, but this one, this one is sublime. So if you haven't read this book yet, go grab it!

And there's even a show about it. Go watch it too, with your family, or whatever.

Anyway, to those who have already, I just wanted to point out something.
"For you, a thousand times over"?! Isn't that something you say to your lover? I am not a pedophile or anything, but somehow I just can't help but speculate the level of "love" between the two main characters.

Mythbuster! Episode 2

2008-01-04T16:37:00.000-05:00

Myth: Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang reads the dictionary to improve his English.

Typical remarks:
1. "Bryan, unlike you, I do not read the dictionary!"
2. "Obviously! He reads the dictionary!"

Pre-note: I do not FREAKING read the dictionary alright!!!

Generally Accepted Facts:
1. I have a huge and archaic dictionary
2. I very OCCASIONALLY use words that are seldom used in a typical discourse.

First I would like to debunk the theory that reading the dictionary would help improve ones English. In fact, in my opinion, it is the most wearying yet futile avenue.

If you do not trust me, try it for yourself

First, kindly flip to a random page of your own dictionary, and try to memorize 10 random new words.
Now, go to sleep.
The next morning, try to recall the words which you have learned yesterday. There, gotten yourself into a predicament, haven't you?
Now, go back to the same page (that is if you can even remember which page you were on), and revise on the words you've learned.
Go back to sleep again, and try to recall those words the next morning.
It should be much easier now.
Congratulations, you've just learned 10 random new words (for example, eschscholzia, escalope, escarole, endive, etc etc.) which you would most probably not use for the rest of your life.
Either that, or you've learned 10 new words which you probably would not know how to use. (For example, apropos with, apropos to, or apropos of? Germane with or germane to?)
By the time you master those 10 words which you have just learned, an average person would have most probably already mastered 20.

Alright, I do admit to waking up sometimes while in trance to check the dictionary. (Most of my roommates have already noted this idiosyncrasy).

Mind you, I would not take the trouble to rouse myself from my beauty sleep just so I could "read" the dictionary alright. The thing is, I am schizophrenic and inquisitive. While I lie nonchalantly on my bed, seemingly asleep, I am either musing to myself or arranging my thoughts with regard to my school assignments. And sometimes, while my thoughts meander, I encounter words which I am unsure of. (For example, "can we use brouhaha in such a context?") And so, I would erect myself, and flip through the dictionary to confirm my hypotheses. That is not "reading" the dictionary, it is merely "checking".

Now that I have confounded these "indictments", I fervently wish that no one would ever accuse me again of "reading the dictionary" for I find it very deprecating and demeaning.

Myth : BUSTED!

Thank you very much/ Dunke Schon/ Merci Beaucoup

Mythbuster!

2008-01-02T20:47:00.000-05:00

Myth - The insignificant Islamic Empire cannot be compared to the great Roman Empire at their respective heights.

Remember how we used to deprecate the significance of Islamic History back in form 4, claiming how it was terribly boring and World History would be a lot better?(Mostly myself I guess)
I still do remember saying, "What is the Islamic Empire compared to the Roman Empire or even Alexander the Great's empire."

Well, let us see if there is any truth in the aforementioned accusations.

Roman Empire at its height. (The white areas represent the waters)
Islamic Empire at its height. (Umayyad Dynasty or Bani Umayyah)

Try to compare the vastness of the two empires. (I actually adjusted them to scale but Blogger does not allow me to upload the pictures at their original size. Or at least I don't know how to.)
Try doing so by using the Mediterranean Sea as the mid point for comparison.

Let me give you a better picture.
Nope, your eyes are not deceiving you. The Islamic empire, was indeed MAJESTIC at its height.

MYTH - BUSTED

*Shows Compunction*

I would first like to apologize to Pn Cecilia (my history teacher) for not listening to her in class because I thought I was being taught an abundance of bullocks.
I would then like to apologize to all those who were sick of my belittlement of our history.

Islamic History IS World History.

New Year's Eve Bash..

2008-01-02T02:14:00.000-05:00

So, my first New Year's Eve in Toronto. It's one of the most special New Year's Eve though, only second to last year's which I spent counting down on a plane. (Actually I was quite disorientated as to when to countdown).

Anyway, it was held in Nathan Phillips Square, and the crowd was crazy (approximately 30,000 people).

Disclaimer: I did not take this picture. I stole it from someone who posted it on the internet.

It was rather tough trying to take a good picture given the following circumstances
1) my pathetic height
2) the low resolution of my friend's camera
3) my unsteady heads, which was exacerbated by the frigid weather

Well nothing interesting actually, other than the fact that Plain White T's performed live right before countdown.(Alright, I know this is probably the umpteenth time some of you guys have heard it from me, but bare with it alright. After all, it's Plain White T's; the "Hey there Delilah, What's it like in New York City..." Plain White T's. Whose main hit I listened to over and over and over again when in a crestfallen state.)

The local bands which preceded the star of the night was surprisingly pleasant. I actually expected them to be as bad as the local bands which performed before Click Five during the Click Five concert in Sunway Lagoon.

All in all, put simply, long story short, Plain White T's sang, we counted down, and the unfortunately single Bryan Samuel Matthews Tai Yi Siang had no one to kiss at the first bewitching hour of 2008.

So anyway, Happy New Year to all!!!

P.S. I decided to make my post a little more colourful.

The Soul of Christmas

2007-12-31T16:08:00.000-05:00

Christmas is a time for sacrificing. Now, let me show you what it means to sacrifice.

Now those boys, or girls, out there who know a thing or two about computers. (You don't need to be an aficionado, you just need to know a thing or two)

Now tell me, which one of you, in your right mind, would give up such a deal, especially when your laptop is already failing you. For those who are unfamiliar with my predicament, my laptop auto-shutdowns when it overheats. Doesn't sound so serious, does it? Well it overheats after 20 minutes of Youtube and 10-30 minutes of Warcraft or any other games.

But since it was Christmas, which wasn't just any commercial scam, but a time for sacrificing, I decided NOT to buy the laptop. This is what we call SACRIFICE.

For those who do not know, 26th of December is BOXING DAY, a day where literally every shop would go on sale. It is a day for shoppers to go crazy, and a day for young little children, like myself, to sacrifice and go on a pilgrimage.
So, a few friends and I left our house at 6 a.m. to join the avid shoppers in their quest for the best offers. We didn't even sleep the night before. I was actually quite excited about this. It's really my first time, and I really wanted to experience the atmosphere. So yeah, the adrenaline kept me awake.

Now ask me what did I buy.

I bought, a small little present which cost $5.00 (after 50% discount) for a teacher of mine back in Hamilton. SACRIFICE.

Hopefully, after this lame first post, I have successfully extolled the virtue of sacrificing to all you gentlemen who would drool at the laptop advertisement and all you ladies who would swoon at the sale billboards.

Failure to Launch

2007-12-31T15:55:00.000-05:00

Alright, so, my previous foray into the blog world - your musing matters - was an utter disaster due to the lack of participation.

So, I, hereby announce my next pathetic attempt to penetrate the blog universe.

*nonchalant applauses*

Sometimes I wonder at my own resilience.

Like "Your musing matters", "MY musing matters" will revolve around the title character, but in this case, instead of "YOU", it's "ME".

So TA DAH, welcome to my so very "interesting" life.